Again, not really anything new here but something that is coming to the foreground again...

Whenever there is resistance, there is a split of space itself.

There is a field of 3D space, with sensations, sights, sounds and so on arising within (and as) it.

And some particular sensations in the upper neck/lower head area are used as an anchor for a sense of a separate I. These sensations seem denser than the rest of the field (the rest is space & sometimes form), and there is a sense of tension there.

With this as an anchor for a sense of I, other forms in the field can be made into Other, and when they are, there is also a resistance towards these. The space is split up into I here and Other there, and there is a sense of boundary, limitation, contraction, narrowing, tension and precariousness (I don't know if the boundary can be maintained, or what will happen if what is on the other invades this side or the other way around.)

In daily life, this is very tangible, and a very good help in noticing what is going on. As soon as the space appears as less than infinite, in any direction, or as soon as some part of the field appears as dense, I know that there is a resistance, an identification with a particular identity.

And in allowing it all, including what is on the other side of the boundary and the boundary/resistance itself, the sense of vast space again arises. There is a release of identification with just a segment of the field, and so a release of being caught up on one side of the boundary and the other side arising as Other.

Labels: field, resistance, space

The voice of resistance is one of the voices battered by my approach to self-inquiry... Put down, tried set aside, ignored, not wanted, resisted, disowned, placed in the shadow.

It is a subtle disowning compared to what is possible when there is a strong sense of a separate I and a particular identity, but also a crass disowning compared to how it can be when all is allowed.

Other voices pushed away in this process may be the sense of I, hangups, contractions, and duality. And the voices identified with when these are pushed away, are the voice of self-inquiry, of seeking (seeking to realize selflessness.), and maybe even the voice of seeing selflessness.

The irony is of course that in the process of attempting to allow all, some are pushed away and resisted.

Compassion for what is disowned

As I write this, I notice a good deal of compassion coming up for these disowned voices.

And this compassion is similar to the compassion that has come up lately for the vulnerable animal, this human self as a vulnerable animal, sometimes confused, scared, contracted, reactive, blindly wanting, trying to protect a particular identity, loving and hating, trying to survive, find its way in the world for the short time it is around. This vulnerable animal is a voice in itself, and it is also the reason all the personal voices are around, it is what the personal voices serve, guide and protect.

Voices to dialog with

So some voices to explore for me right now may be...

Voice of resistance - voice of allowing, sense of I - Big Mind, contractions, hangups, duality - nonduality, self-inquiry, seeking mind - nonseeking mind, seeing selflessness, the vulnerable animal, and maybe even Big Belly (the voice of endarkenment.)

How do they each serve the self? How do they function right now? Are they appreciated? How are they treated? How can they serve the self better? How can the self serve them better?

What is alive in pushing away

As I write this, the quality that comes up when certain things are pushed away, such as resistance, is very much alive.

The hardness of it. The sense of pushing away. Of a split. The aggression of it. A sense of something to protect and defend. A sense of the possibility of the wall breaking down and being invaded by what I am trying to push away and defend against. The precariousness of the situation. The paranoia that comes with it.

Always looking for signs of the wall breaking down. The ambivalence towards life and other people, not knowing what they may say or do that can threaten the identity built up around this. The energy that goes into building up a particular identity, and holding what is on the other side of the wall at bay... at all cost, in any situation. It is terrible, but also seems so desperately necessary.

Until it isn't. When the wall falls, it is OK. But that is certainly not how it seems when the wall is up, when all energy is used to keep it up, to defend against what is on the other side... whether it is certain experiences, disowned voices, human qualities not included in our self-identity.

Labels: big mind process, currently, disowned, inquiry, resistance

I inform on somebody in my own circle, and end up spending a good deal of energy hiding from them.

I don't remember many of the details of this dream, but this seems to be the essence. I was part of a larger social group, and some were involved in very questionable behavior (organized crime of some sort.) They had initially invited me to join, I said no, and then later decided that it was in the public interest to inform on them. In this case, the public interest was clearly more important than (misguided) loyalty. They heard about it, there were quite a few of them (5 or 8), they were ruthless, and they were looking for me, so I went into improvised hiding. First, part way down a convoluted streambed leading down a hillside to the ocean, then up on a loft, and some other places. The others wanted to help me, but didn't quite know how.

This dream is very similar to one I had in November, and also to some previous ones.

Staying with the dream after waking up, it seems to have a connection with self-inquiry. When I do self-inquiry, discover that the whole sense of I seems to be a fabrication, and also is the immediate cause of any dissatisfaction in my life, it is, in a way, a betrayal of who I have taken myself to be.

I take myself to be this person, yet through examination find that not to be so, and betray my old identity, what I have spent a (short) lifetime to build up, what I am most familiar with.

In voice dialog terms, the voices (subpersonalities) that were often taken as an I, closely identified with, placed on the king's throne, are revealed to have no inherent I, become less closely identified with, and do not get access to the throne very frequently. If it is done skillfully, they will find their new role and be happy with that. But if it is done hastily and with less respect for these voices, they may certainly become upset, want revenge and try to sabotage the new order, and for good reason.

I haven't done voice dialog/Big Mind process on myself for a while, so this dream is an invitation to do that again. To see how the voices are doing, who are disgruntled (always for a good reason) and how things can be set more right.

One issue I see, and have seen for a while, is that when I do self-inquiry, there is a slight element of pushing there... of "knowing" what to look for, a slight impatience to "get there", and of revealing the selflessness of what I often take for I. There is a disrespect inherent in this, a forcefulness, a resistance to what is and how the voices currently show up, that does nobody any favors (not what I then take as myself, which is the voice of self-inquiry, nor any of the other voices.)

There is probably more to this dream as well, maybe other areas where this pattern comes up.

Labels: big mind process, currently, dream, resistance

This is another of those secrets hidden in plain view..

Whenever we fully experience something, anything, it leads into Big Mind.

Resistance to experience is what gives rise to a sense of a separate I. And this sense of separate I provides an ongoing propping-up for resistance. They are two aspects of the same system, operating in a positive feedback loop. Their strength is linked. One increases or decreases, and the other does the same.

So whenever experiences are fully allowed, when even resistance is allowed, the charge goes out of resistance, and the sense of a separate I diminishes... all the way, until Big Mind notices itself, free from a sense of a separate I.

There is no need to wait for the right moment for this, to wait for the stars to align, for the perfect teacher to come along, for the blissful experiences, for Christ to appear in a vision. What is here, right now, is perfect. That is all that is needed.

Just allow what is right here now to be, as it is, including resistance and anything else. Allow it all to be, to unfold and live its own life. Be with it, without having to change anything. And the field of awakeness and its forms (content) will notice itself as a field, inherently free from any separate I. And that is what we already are.

Labels: practice, resistance, sense of I

Resistance seems essential for embodiment.

First, it is what allows the world of form. It is what allows Spirit to not only find itself as formless but also as form. Resistance is inherent in the world of form, as divisions, boundaries, friction. Without these types of resistance, inherent in Spirit as form, there would be no form. Resistance is the mechanism for Spirit to become form... galaxies, solar systems, planets, living planets, individual beings, experiences, thoughts, culture, cities, this universe. It is what allows form unfolding in space and time.

Then, it is what allows Spirit to awaken to itself while functionally connected with a human being (or any other being for that matter, where Spirit awakens consciously to itself.) Resistance is what allows Spirit to fully embody in, through and as a body, conscious of itself. It is the gritty process of embodiment, of allowing everything about our individual self to reorganize within the new context of Spirit awakened to itself... our physical body, our energy system, our emotional level, our heart, our view, our relationships, our life and engagement in the world.

Resistance is inherent in embodiment. It is Spirit exploring itself as formless & form and the unfolding relationships between the two, including what takes place when the form is reorganized within the context of the formless awakened to itself.

So why resist resistance? Why not makes friends with it, embrace it, see that too as God's will, as God itself, as an essential part of the embodiment process. The more resistance, the more gritty the process is, the fuller and richer the process and the eventual embodiment.

Resistance gives rise to struggle and suffering, and resistance to resistance is no different. It is God resisting itself, so that is not surprising. And allowing gives a sense of release, spaciousness, of all as Spirit.

As with anything else arising, we can deepen into seeing, feeling and even loving resistance as Spirit itself, as always no other than Spirit.

Labels: embodiment, resistance, spirit, three centers

Our diksha group met again tonight, and I again noticed resistance... just allowing resistance, and how resistance is still there, yet also as if not there.

When resistance is resisted, not allowed, not wanted, it appears as very real and solid, in our experience, it splits the world into I here and Other there in a very substantial and impactful way.

But when resistance is allowed, welcomed in, even befriended, its nature as awake emptiness is revealed, it becomes transparent, spacious, immaterial, still a wall but a wall made out of just space.

An image of a maze came up. When resistance is resisted, I am on the ground level inside of the maze, and the walls are very solid. The maze appears as a real problem. And when resistance is no longer resisted, the walls become transparent and immaterial, and I am all of the space surrounding and making up the maze itself. The maze, although still there, is not a problem anymore.

Labels: resistance

After exploring headlessness again today, I see how so many explorations are really soul retrieval, if we use that word in a wide sense. It is about retrieving - in the sense of allowing, noticing, owning - who we are at an individual level, and what we are at the headless/Spirit level.

Working with projections, we find here in this individual life what we see out there in the wider world. As long as we only see it out there (or only in here), there is a split, not only between this self and the wider world, but within this self.

Working with being with experiences, as they are, there is again a retrieval of what was divided and split off... through a sense of I and Other. We find ourselves as the space holding both sides of the dividing line, the division, and the content on both sides.

Doing the Byron Katie style inquiries, we also work with the split through releasing attachment to beliefs in thoughts, and we find ourselves as that which already is and allows it all.

And through the headless experiments, we find ourselves as capacity for the world, full of the whole world... as it appears one piece at a time to this human self.

In each case, there is a healing of the split, simply by finding ourselves as that which already is and allows it all. The Other, that which was split off, is finally allowed and owned, the sense of I and Other falls away, and this reveals the field always and already allowing it all.

It happens on our individual level when we work on projections, and it happens on a Spirit level when we find ourselves as headless.

In either case, there is a sense of retrieving a bit of our soul, of what we already are but didn't notice or didn't allow.

Labels: headlessness, healing, resistance

In watching movies, I cannot help being curious about what processes they may reflect, both within each of us and among us. Often, it is quite simple and basic such as with the Vulcans in Star Trek (I have been watching some of the original episodes for the first time).

Walls

The Vulcans have learned to suppress and control feelings and emotions, and rely on cool intelligence. And this reflects the common view in our culture, at least in the 60s: we either have to act on our feelings and emotions, or we have to suppress them.

Either way, we do battle with them. They are an Other that either controls or is controlled by us. There is a space where I am here and emotions there, and when they get strong, they either flood and overpower me, or I am able to erect and maintain a wall that keeps them in check.

The skill of the Vulcans is to be able to very effectively erect and maintain these walls, although they do break down sometimes (sometimes with scary results, and other times to the glee of Kirk and Bones.)

Trapped in this mode, the sense is that if I allow myself to fully experience something, it will take over, it will overpower me, I will loose control. And this fear is the motivation to keep holding it at bay, whatever it is - grief, sadness, anger, rage, pain, joy, pleasure, love, bliss.

Space

But this is only one option. The other is to allow ourselves to fully experience whatever we experience, to be with it, to allow resistance to the content of our experience to fall away.

Here, there is a sense of spaciousness, of holding and allowing any content. And there is a sense of release, and we realize that the pressure that we thought we were erecting a wall and fighting against, was created by the wall and the fighting itself. Without the wall and the resistance, there is no pressure. There is just whatever is experiences, unfolding within and as awareness and space, and that is it.

There is no sense of being overpowered, because the whole sense of I and Other becomes more transparent and spacious. They are revealed as part of the same space.

Intense experiences may be unfolding, but unfolding within a much larger (actually infinite) space. There is only pressure when the space is walled in. Without walls, no pressure.

And without pressure, any experience is revealed as bliss itself. For me right now, giving a sense of blissful smooth expansive quiet fullness,.

Labels: allowing, being with, bliss, resistance

Identities can be formed around just about anything, including being "clear", allowing what comes up to not stick, of having nothing to defend. And as with any identity, it gives a sense of I and Other, of boundaries, walls, hardness, and - yes - something to protect. I am this, and not that.

It is just another way to create a sense of a separate I, and of resisting being with experiences as they are. Or rather, it is the same as usual in terms of splitting the field into I and Other, and resisting what is. It is just another flavor, another take on it.

I have noticed this one come up over the last couple of days, where some people around me have been in bad moods, irritable and reactive. My response has been to go in the other direction, taking refuge in an identity as not that (at least right now), but it is really just another way of resisting experiences, resisting what is. Just another way to set up walls between I and Other, between I as this identity, and Other as experiences, people and behaviors that fall outside of this identity.

Noticing this wall and hardness, the sense of something to protect, the sense of the possibility of a fall, makes it easier to not resist the resistance. To allow that too to be as it is. And in this, "I" am no longer on one side of the wall and certain experiences and behaviors on the other, but I find myself as the space that the wall and both sides of the wall exists within and as.

There is a sense of release, of spaciousness, of allowing resistance and walls and defense to fall. There is a freedom to allow whatever arises to arise, independent on which side of the wall they happen to arise, to allow it as just aspects of the field.

Labels: identity, resistance

I read parts of Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be by Lama Surya Das a couple of days ago, and although the content is very good, something also bugged me. I got a sense of a hardness in the writing, of boundaries, which may or may not be there. (In any case, it says something about me now, that there is a sense of hardness and boundaries right here that I am invited to take a look at.)

Gradually, it dawned on me that the sense of hardness that bugged me (in myself, and possibly in the writing) seems to be a resistance to resistance itself, to suffering, to boundaries. And this is still a resistance, a splitting of the field into I and Other, a creation of boundaries in the boundless space, a not allowing of what is to be. Resisting resistance is resistance as much as resistng anything else.

Some of the ways resisting resistance shows up is in an identity as a good practitioner, as someone who wants to learn from suffering, as someone who wants to grow and mature and even evolve spiritually, as someone who wants to be a good student or teacher. All of this has the stench of Zen as they say in those circles. It makes one's practice just another way to redefine, create and prop up identities, creating a boundary, an I and Other, a hardness towards Other, a limitation of what is allowed to surface in experience, of who or what I am, and as a human being, an artificial limitation on how I can live and what I allow to surface in this life.

So whether this really is in the writings of LSD, I can easily find it right here. And it is something I want to take a look at.

Whenever resistance comes up, this sense of hardness, of pushing something away, of I and Other, can I allow it? Just be with it? Drop resistance to it? Befriend it? Allow it as it is?

Labels: resistance, surrender

For all of us, at least until awakening to realized selflessness, there are times when old patterns come up, there is a definite identification with them, and there is a deep wish for some sort of resolution.

This happened for me yesterday, and by the end of the day I found myself in a coffee shop writing down what I know, from experience, about resolution, and how to relate to these recurrent patterns. Looking over the list, I found two broad categories which (it so happens...!) correspond to the two broad categories of Buddhist meditation practice: samata and vipassana, or calm abiding and insight, or natural meditation and inquiry.

Dropping resistance (Samata)

This is about dropping resistance to experience, including resistance itself. To allow the field of seeing and seen, the whole tapestry, to arise and rest in itself as it is here and now.

This allows the field to recognize itself as a field, and the sense of I and Other within the field becomes more transparent, fades, and may even fall away in a more complete way.

There is a release from being blindly caught up in ideas and interpretations, of the whole story we weave around I as a separate entity, and so a release from much of the suffering created by this.

This field may even recognize itself as awake emptiness and form, and everything arising as awake emptiness and form, which takes even more of the charge out of whatever arises. It becomes less substantial, more of a dream, passing images.

This is the transcending of any issues in our human life, by seeing them as expressions of the field, which is inherently absent of I and Other, and as no other than awake emptiness and form.

It is the ultimate yang approach to dealing with irresolvable problems: transcend, and include. Transcend, find yourself as Big Mind instead of just this human self, realize that there is no separate I anywhere in all of it. And then include all form as Big Mind, include your human life, life your human life within this new context, now with a sense of ease and released from identification.

In a way, it is an escape, but it is an escape from a temporary misidentification to an immediate recognition of what we always and already are: the field of seeing and seen, of awake emptiness and form. This field of everything arising, which is inherently absent of an I anywhere, absent of I and Other, and where the only I is as the field as a whole, as an I without an Other.

Learning from (Vipassana)

Then there are the many ways of learning from problems...

I can find the gifts in the situation. What are the gifts of loss, failure, pain, disease? I can find a deeper empathy with others, a deepening compassion for all beings, seeing that we are all in the same boat. I can become more familiar with surrender. I can become more familiar with impermanence. I can discover my own beliefs and identities, and explore ways to surrender these beliefs and identities. I can find a deeper motivation for self-inquiry in its many forms, including those that lead to realized selflessness.

I can open my heart to what arises, including to myself and others who suffer from a similar situation, or any suffering at all. We are all in the same boat here. As long as there is a misidentification, we suffer. And through my own suffering, to seeing and feeling into it, I can open my heart and deepen my compassion, understanding and empathy for others. The more intense my own suffering, the more it can break open my heart, if I only allow it (or can't resist it anymore.)

I can use it to find myself in the other. To see and feel, becoming more deeply and intimately familiar with in myself what I see in the other (if another person is involved.) And through this, to awaken love for it (hold it in love), in myself and the other.

I can allow the symptoms and experiences to unfold, following the trail of crumbs, allowing it to unfold and harvesting the nutrients in it through for instance Process Work, some variation of active imagination, or similar approaches.

I can learn about impermanence, become more familiar and intimate with it, and with the (freeing) consequences of seeing and feeling into impermanence.

Everything in the world of form is in flux, always fresh, new and different. Seasons, this , youth and health, success and failure, fame and infamy, art, science, nations, cultures, civilizations, the Earth itself, this solar system, this galaxy, the universe itself, it is all in flux, it all comes and goes, it is all impermanent.

Seeing and feeling that all is impermanent places my own life in a different and wider context. It means that we are all in the same boat, it is the great equalizer.

Impermanence also means that any fixed beliefs, any fixed and limited identities, any holding on to anything, brings suffering. And if everything in the world of form, including this human self, is flux, then who or what am I? I seem to not come and go in that way. What is it that does not come and go?

Impermanence allows me to explore surrender in all its many forms. Surrender of beliefs, identities, wants and wishes, who I take myself to be, anything I (think I) know.

The gifts of impermanence then includes seeing that we are all in the same boat, loosening my grip on beliefs and identities, and nudging me towards awakening - finding myself as that which does not come and go, and that which comes and goes.

I can use it to explore the many aspects of emptiness. As mentioned above, I can explore the transitory nature of anything finite in space and time. Is anything fixed?

I can try to find the boundary between seeing and seen. Where is this boundary? Is the content of awareness anything other than awareness itself? Is form anything other than awake emptiness? (See below.)

Who or what is experiencing? Is there a separate I here? (See below.)

I can use it as material for self-inquiry. First and simplest, and related to the dropping of resistance: Can I be with what I am experiencing right now? And then...

What do I need to let go of to find peace with this? Which beliefs and identities do I need to let go of to find peace with this situation? Who or what do I need to be to find peace with it? What do I need to let go of to find peace with it, even if it would never change?

What are my beliefs around this situations? Are they true? What are their consequences? Who or what would I be without them? What are the grains of truth in their reversals? (The Work.)

Who or what is experiencing? To whom or what is this happening? Am I the always changing content of experience? These sounds, smells, tastes, sensations, thoughts? What is not changing? Am I what is not changing, this awareness, the seeing of it? If so, where is the boundary of I as seeing and Other as seen?

Labels: inquiry, resistance, resolution, samata, surrender, vipassana

I notice a very tangible sense of spatiality of the resistance.

Resistance splits the field into I and Other in a spacial way, where the sense of I is usually somewhere in/around the human self making it into an experience of a center, and Other is somewhere out there in the periphery, in any direction (up, down, front, back, sides).

Noticing this sense of a split of space itself makes it easier to notice and recognize resistance, and is a reminder to allow even this resistance to be as it is, to simply and quietly be with the whole field as it is, as it arises, with resistance, a sense of split, and anything else.

Being with it in this way allows the field to recognize itself as a field, inherently absent of this split, this sense of I and Other, of any I in the resistance or anywhere else.

Labels: field, resistance, sense of I

This is getting very repetitious, but it is what is alive for me these days, and comes up over and over, and also with a sense of it as always new.

As soon as there is an identification with resistance, as soon as it is made into an I, as soon as resistance is resisted, the field is split, there is a sense of I and Other.

The field resists one aspect of itself, and by necessity identifies with another - apparently opposed - aspect. The field is split, in its own experience of itself. There is an identification with one form aspect, apparently opposed to other form aspects, as I and Other.

And this resistance is ultimately the field resistant to itself as a field, a field of what's here, of seeing and seen, of awake emptiness and form, inherently absent of a separate I, absent of a Center of I, already and always absent of I and Other.

By resisting anything, including any resistance, the field splits itself in its own experience of itself, it sees itself as finite in time and space, an entity in a world of entities, by necessity involved in drama and struggle, a struggle that, when it comes down to it, is experienced as a life-and-death struggle.

A great deal of effort goes into this resistance, and maintaining a sense of I and Other and the identities which clues us in to how to split the field into I and Other.

And it is also easily released, simply by being with whatever is, as it is, including any resistance, any impulse to want it to change, to want it to be different from what it is right now. Just being with whatever is, as it is, as it arises. It first releases the struggle, then it releases the sense of I and Other, allowing the field to notice itself as a field.

Labels: currently, resistance, sense of I

One aspect of surrender is surrendering resistance to any sense of I. To just be with it, as it is, and notice how it arises as an aspect of the field, as a thread in the tapestry.

Resistance is what produces, and maintains, a sense of I.

And this means that resistance to a sense of I does the same.

So allowing this sense of I to be as it is, and allowing even the resistance to be, is what allows the field to reveal itself, to itself, as a field.

Labels: awakening, identity, resistance

Over the last few days, the birth of the seed resistance, the effects of identities, and the difference between resisting and fully experiencing these effects have been even more acutely up for me. I also see how resisting the effects of a sense of I and identities is a dark night, while allowing myself to fully experiencing these effects is purgatory. It allows the sense of I and its identities to gradually burn away.

Seed resistance, giving rise to a sense of I and its identities

First, there is the resistance to what is as inherently absent of I. This resistance gives rise to a sense of I, and of I and Other.

This sense of I is fleshed out through various identities. I am this, not that. I want this, not that. And this gives rise to resistance to various aspects within form.

Resistance to the effects of the sense of I and identities

Then, there is resistance to the effects of the sense of I and the various identities. There is resistance to the experiences of loneliness, fear, anger, attraction, aversion, confusion, and so on.

When there is this resistance to the effects, the sense of I and its identities tend to seem very real and substantial. We act as if they are real, so they tend to appear as real.

When the resistance to the effects is dropped, when we allow ourselves to fully experience the effects of a sense of I and various identities, they tend to appear less substantial. They may even erode over time and fall away.

Resisting experiences vs. fully experiencing

In practical terms, it means that when we resist experiences, the sense of I and its identities appears as more real to us. They become solidified.

Many of these experiences arise when the world is filtered through a sense of I and its identities, such as fear, anger, loneliness, and so on. And resisting these experiences only makes them proliferate. We pour gasoline on the already existing fire.

When we allow ourselves to fully experience, the sense of I and its identities appear as less substantial and real. Eventually, they can burn out completely.

Fully experiencing allows us a glimpse into what we really are, awake emptiness and form absent of I, and this gives a sense of coming home, and even of bliss.

Resisting experience is hell. Allowing the resistance to experience to fall away is bliss.

Dark night and purgatory

I notice for myself that this is also the difference between an experience of dark night and purgatory.

When I resist experiencing the results of a sense of I and various identities, it is hell and an experience of a dark night.

When I allow myself to fully experience the results of a sense of I and the various identities, there is a sense of fullness, being held, coming home, and even bliss. There is also an experience of the sense of I and its identities burning away, of purgatory.

Put another way, resisting God's will is hell and a dark night. Surrendering to God's will is heaven and purgatory.

Labels: dark night, practice, purgatory, resistance, sense of I, surrender

This is one of the many opens secrets: when something is fully experienced, there is a clarity and a quiet bliss and joy there.

When resistance falls away to whatever arises in immediate awareness, it reveals a clarity and quiet bliss which seems inherent in experience, and this is independent of what is experienced - pain, grief, joy, sadness, anger, enthusiasm or whatever else it may be.

Looking at this for myself, I find that...

Resistance comes from the belief in the thought I, and a set of beliefs in additional thoughts which creates an exclusive and limited identity. Whatever does not fit is then resisted, it is made "other", and gives rise to a sense of drama and struggle.

The resistance itself seems to take the form of (a) an attachment to a belief that what is should be different, (b) a sensation, (c) shifting attention away from what arises, at least temporarily, and (d) a behavior meant to distract attention or make whatever is resisted change or go away. Resistance really only kicks up a lot of dust, temporarily hiding - at best, what is resisted.

Absence of resistance allows whatever is to be. This reveals the bliss and joy that seems inherent in experience, always. It may reveal what is resisted to not be nearly as frightening or threatening as it initially seemed, and maybe not as what it seemed at all. It also allows what is resisted to live its own life, to unfold, change, as it does anyway.

Pain as an example

A good example is pain, whether physical or emotional.

:: Pain resisted

When resisted, it may look something like this...

1. There is a belief in the idea of I as a segment of what is, as limited, somehow separate from the rest of the world of form and/or awareness.
   
   
2. A sensation arises. This sensation is labeled pain.
   
   
3. Then, beliefs kick in which says that this pain is not me, undesirable, something that should not be there. Now, there is a sense of I being exposed to pain as Other, and an unwanted Other.
   
   
4. This leads to resistance. There is a rehearsal of the initial beliefs making pain wrong and of a list of additional and supporting beliefs.
   
   
5. From this comes various sensations, and a sense of drama and turmoil and various emotions, which themselves may be resisted as the pain is.

:: Pain not resisted

Resistance can fall away at different points of that chain...

l1. The resistance of the idea of I falls away

If the resistance falls away at its root, with the attachment of the idea of I, the sensation/emotions arise freely as awareness, as Big Mind, as Spirit. There is no resistance, no sense of drama. Just clarity and a sense of ease.

l2. The resistance of the story of pain falls away

If the resistance falls away at the story of the sensation/emotion, there is just a sensation or emotion arising, and a story arising, yet no connection between the two. Again, there is no drama. Just clarity and a sense of ease.

l3. The resistance of the story of pain is bad falls away

Here, the additional beliefs - making pain not me, bad, wrong and so on, falls away. Again, no drama, just clarity and ease (although maybe a little more precarious, because there may be a large number of stories making pain wrong).

l4. The resistance to the effects of the stories of I, pain, and pain is wrong falls away

The chain of events has gone all the way to the effects of the stories of I, pain, and pain is wrong, so there is a sense of drama and turmoil. But all is not lost: here, we can allow the resistance to these effects to fall away, to allow the effects unfold in awareness. I can ask myself, can I be with what I am experiencing right now?

The interesting thing here is that this in itself can unravel the previous chain, all the way back to the initial story of I. Simply being with an experience, initially labeled pain, can unravel the chain of the stories of pain is wrong, pain, and I.

How far back the chain unravels seems somewhat related to where our usual center of gravity is located, and how intense the experience is.

What could have been pain is now something different, and reveals clarity and bliss

In each of these cases, what could have been pain is now revealed as something different, and something that reveals clarity and quiet bliss and joy.

In the first two cases, it never arises as pain in the first place, just as one of the forms of Spirit or an experience. In the third case, it may appear as pain, but is OK and welcomed. In the fourth case, the chain is allowed to unravel - possibly all the way back to the story of I.

How to

How do we allow resistance to fall away at each of those points of the chain?

The beliefs in the stories can unravel through The Work, the connection between sensations/emotions and stories can unravel through labeling practice, and the effects of the stories can allow to unfold through asking myself can I be with what I am experiencing right now?

Labels: resistance

Through The Work, it becomes clear how beliefs, resistance and tension are different aspects of the same process.

Beliefs split the world into desirable and undesirable, which brings resistance to certain experiences, and then mental and physical tension.

There is a belief in the idea of I, placed on a segment of what is. Then, there is a large set of other beliefs to fill out this identity.

These beliefs tell what is desirable and what is undesirable, so there will be a natural resistance to certain experiences - to certain situations, circumstances, sensations, emotions, thoughts and behaviors.

And this resistance is reflected in tension, both mentally and physically.

From here, it goes into the perceived need to use force, manipulation and so on, which further amplifies the tension and the sense of struggle and drama.

And it is all a struggle within content, pitting one aspect of content against another. All arising within and as Ground, as form and empty clear awareness.

Labels: beliefs, resistance

Another relatively obvious connection...

When we resist experiences, there is tension - in body and psyche. There is holding, contraction, holding onto or pushing away, force, duality, a sense of I and Other.

In terms of sequence, there seems to first be a belief in a thought. This is the thought I (as opposed to Other), followed by other thoughts of desireable and undesireable, likes and dislikes, want and want not, good and bad, and so on. Then, whatever arises in experience and labeled desireable or undesireable is either attempted pushed away or hold onto. And this is acompanied by tension. Belief in thought > sense of good/bad > holding onto/pushing away > tension.

Of course, it is futile to even try to hold onto or pushing away any experience. They come and go on their own. They live their own life, independent of what gymnastics we try to engage in. At the very best, attention can be placed somewhere else and there is distraction, for a while.

So any belief is acompanied by contraction and tension. There is a contraction down into an exclusive identity, and there is a tension of body/mind in trying to hold onto and push away experiences.

This drama seems to take a good deal of energy, so no wonder many are chronically tired (possibly beyond what is caused by sleep deprivation and less than optimal food and excercise habits) and also grow rigid with time.

In noticing this, over and over, I see (a) that it doesn't work, and (b) how much energy it drains from my daily life. When seen clearly, without drama, that is feedback that may allow it to erode and fall away.

For me, The Work is one way to explore this, especially through question three - how do you react when you believe that thought, and also in the contrast with what comes up from question four - who or what am I without the belief?

Breema is another good laboratory, allowing me to see the connection between holding onto beliefs (in the form of getting caught up in thoughts) and tension, rigidity, force and a sense of lack of flow and connection.

Labels: resistance

I, as most of us, sometimes eat things that are not good for me. I guess I am fortunate in that my body does not hesitate to make it very clear to me, in the form of spaciness (sugar), fatigue (sugar), sluggishness (dairy), feeling weird - out of touch with the world, unreality (anything refined or artificial, wheat, alcohol), and in other ways.

Being with the experiences, allowing for feedback

I notice that if I take time to be with the symptoms of eating something my body has a reaction to, then that provides valuable feedback and something shifts. If I am with my experiences, simply, clearly, allowing them to unfold on their own, without adding drama to it, the feedback allows something to shift and I find myself less likely to want to eat that food again - or I eat it less frequently and in a lesser amount.

Cycle of double avoidance

I also see that the reason I eat these things is often that I want to avoid another experience.

Something comes up that my personality finds uncomfortable, and instead of taking the time of being with these experiences, I eat ice cream, cheese or something else. Then, I have the reactions from eating dairy and/or sugar, and avoid experiencing these as well by distracting myself in another way.

So there is an initial avoidance, leading to behavior that creates other unpleasant experiences, and there is an avoidance of these experiences as well. This allows the cycle to continue as before, in spite of whatever self-talk I may engage in.

Being with

The solution is to be with my experiences, both the initial ones that may trigger distraction and the symptoms of the food I eat. To be with them, as they are, without adding drama. And if drama is added to it, then just be with that as well.

It is simple. Clear. Peaceful (even if what I am being with may be turmoil).

Being with experiences in this way seems to invite something to shift, in its own time and in its own way. It seems to provide just the right food for the inherent intelligence and wisdom of the mind.

My business is to be with my experiences. That is all. The shift happens on its own.

Labels: being with, resistance

I have been exploring resistance more lately, in many different ways and situations.

Some weeks back, I spent a few days in Seattle and woke up the second morning with a terrible stomach ache (from a meal the night before). It was very intense, and there was little - of the obvious things - that I could do to alleviate it.

I noticed that if I brought attention away from the pain, it increased and became almost unbearable. If I brought attention to it - being with it, meeting it - it softened and changed quality.

So with resistance, in the form of bringing attention to something else and telling stories about how it shouldn't be there, it intensified. Allowing the resistance to fall away, the sensations softened and changed - into just a sense of fullness which I couldn't place the label "pain" on even if I wanted.

Just another example of how life is my main (in reality only) guru, giving me what I need. And how the greatest secrets are right under our nose. Resistance to experience = sense of separation, fragmentation, I - Other, stress, discontent and suffering. Allowing resistance to fall away = sense of fullness, spaciousness and a quiet joy.

There are many other aspects to this as well.

Resistance and beliefs

Resistance seems to go along with beliefs. There is a belief that the current situation should be different, and there is resistance to experiences in the form of (a) attention brought elsewhere and (b) another story about the experience and its meaning (often "bad").

So I can unravel the beliefs, for instance through The work. Or I can allow the resistance to the experience to fall away, meeting it with simplicity, asking myself can I be with what I am experiencing right now?

As Bhagavan says, anything fully experienced is bliss. That is certainly accurate in my experience, although the bliss so far - in my limited experience - is more of a quiet joyfulness which goes along with the fullness of the experience.

Maybe most simply, a belief and corresponding resistance to experience creates a sense of I and Other, and this inherently brings up discontent, alienation, stress, unease, suffering. Allowing beliefs to unravel and resistance to fall away, there is an absence of I and Other and a corresponding sense of fullness, being at home, quiet joy.

Labels: pain, resistance