Intermediate: not in charge
There is no "I" here, and this can be discovered in several different ways.
Ways of noticing
One is to notice that everything just happens: sights, sounds, smells, tastes, sensations, thoughts, decisions, behavior, it all just happens on its own. It lives its own life. There may be a sense of an I there, and that too just happens on its own.
Another is to explore the infinite causes to anything happening with this human self: it is all the activity of the whole of Existence, the whole beyond and including all polarities. How can it be any different? The more we inquire into this, the more alive this noticing becomes.
There is doing, but no doer.
Process
In the beginning, there may be a sense of an I there, somewhere in or around the human self, and it is taken for granted.
Then, as it is examined more, it appears more illusive and may even be recognized - to some extent - as illusory, created by a belief in the idea of I.
And from here on, life helps in wearing out this sense of I.
Any time life shows up differently than how our beliefs tells us it should, it is an invitation for the "I" to wear out.
At some point there may be the intermediate sense that I am not in charge here. There is a vague sense of I, there is everything happening, and the realization that this "I" has nothing to do with what is happening. There are thoughts, decisions and behavior, but the "I" is not involved.
This is what is happening for me right now. "I" am so clearly not in charge, not even in the most mundane and everyday behaviors.
This human self is living its own life, as a local manifestation of the larger whole. Even if there is a vague sense of an "I", it is so clearly not in charge.
In noticing this, there is also a slight sense of unease. The familiar identity of a "doer" is outdated and cannot be taken for granted anymore. Can this human self function without the sense of "I" added to it? How does it look if there is no doer and no I there anymore?
Labels: absent of I, currently, process