Inquiry :: Not Too Excited
I sometimes notice judgments coming up, especially in groups such as the diksha one, along the lines of...
They shouldn't be too excited about awakening (or anything else that may happen in the process).
- Yes.
- No (Cannot know that is true. Also don't know what is best for their path).
- What happens when I believe that thought?
I am judgmental of them. See them as green, immature, early in the process, caught up in content and early phases. I see them as someone I don't want to connect with too much. I create a separation to them, to myself, and to life. There is also judgment of my own judgment, seeing my arrogance in it and the sense of separation it brings.
I judge myself also for whatever excitement may come up here. I try to separate myself from it, hold it at bay. Images come up of the times I have been burnt, after periods of passion and excitement (where "life let me down").
- Who or what am I when I don't have that belief?
Free to enjoy their excitement. Free to allow my own excitement (without being attached to or pushing it away). Sense of intimacy with them and myself, my own experiences.
- (a) I shouldn't be too excited about awakening.
Yes, that is far more true. I am the one who shouldn't be too excited about it, right now. The advice is for myself. This phase is one of seeing it as more and more ordinary.
(b) They should be excited about awakening.
Yes, they should. They are, it is the reality of it. Also, it is part of the process. It helps them stay with it, bring attention to it, allow it to unfold more fully. It is a beautiful part of the process.
(c) My thoughts shouldn't be too excited about awakening.
Yes, true too. They probably are a little too excited about it. Can take more of a vacation now and then.
(d) My thoughts should be excited about awakening.
Yes. That is the reality of it, sometimes. Also, it helps stay with it, clarify, explore. Again, it is a natural part of the process.
Labels: own inquiry