A dream from a couple of weeks ago:
I am in a car with the actor who plays Monk, a brilliant detective, on TV. He needs some extra money, decides he wants to help me find answers to some existential questions I have, and makes some of the movements Monk makes when searching for clues at a crime scene. It is painfully obvious that he only plays a detective on TV and has no idea how to go about finding the answers. He makes the movements Monk makes, but will not find any answers that way. We are both dismayed.
And one from last week:
I work for a pale, fat, sleazy corrupt man, writing articles for magazines and newspapers. There is some freedom in it, in terms of deciding on the topics of the stories and even the deadlines, but I only get 16% of the profits. I am only doing it because I am not sure if I can make it on my own, in spite of the whole situation feeling unpleasant and corrupt.
Alive presence guiding its own unfolding
Since the endarkenment shift some weeks ago, it has been very clear that the alive presence itself guides its unfolding. My mind, in the sense of conscious thought, can only be a servant in this process.
It does not - and cannot - know where it goes, what comes next, which realms will open up. Any expectations are far too narrow, limited only to what has happened in the past, and these are whole new realms unfolding. It is only a servant, it can help explore, describe, record what is happening, and that is about it. At most, it can find patterns after they unfold.
Habits of the conscious mind guiding the process
At the same time, I have done a lot of inquiry work over the last year or so, where the conscious mind definitely is in charge and guides the process. Also, in our culture, and even in most spiritual traditions, we are used to conscious thought being in charge and guiding the process. We plan something out, or are told to do something, and do it (or not).
It is my habitual pattern, especially over the last few years, so even if it is abundantly clear that the alive presence itself guides its unfolding, and it is taking me into whole new realms where everything is different, there is still the temptation to use conscious thought for guiding the process. It is only that it does not work. The one time since the endarkenment shift where I got into trying to figure it out and guide the process through conscious thought, I got thoroughly stuck (about two weeks ago). And I notice the same in smaller ways daily.
Conscious mind boxes the process in, even with the best of intentions, and this process cannot be boxed in.
Dreams as reminder
And these dreams, of the actor who plays a detective on TV and is unable to be of real help with my existential questions, and the boss who is a sleazeball, is a reminder of this.
Conscious mind is an actor playing someone who knows how to do it. And placing conscious mind as a boss gives a sense of corruption.
Head and belly centers
The three centers seem to filter Spirit in different way. Through the head center, as awake emptiness and form, with no I anywhere. Through the belly center, as fertile darkness, an alive luminous blackness. And through the heart center, as an infinitely loving and intelligent presence, universal and personal at the same time.
So to be fair, I see that the conscious mind can do a very good job in exploring and guiding the process of Spirit filtered through the head center. Through various forms of self-inquiry, we can find ourselves Big Mind, as awake emptiness and form, we can allow beliefs to unravel, and so on. It does a fine job here.
But for the exploration of Spirit filtered through the belly center, it can only be a servant at most. Here, the alive presence definitely guides the process. And this is what is happening for me right now, so one of my tasks is to allow conscious thought to be a servant in this process. Curious, interested, receptive, describing it after it happens.
As there is a deepening into seeing, feeling and loving all as Spirit, there is also an increased differentiation - including in the roles of conscious thought.