Rawness
During my first awakening, my heart seemed completely open. There was a sense of rawness, fullness, intimacy - an openness for all pain and joy experienced by humans, in me and in others, and in all beings as well. And this experience was very tangible although difficult to describe in words.
And now, it is coming back. There is the now familiar sense of open heartedness, receptivity to any and all joys and pains, fullness, warmness and sense of intimacy.
I also notice my tendency to attach explanations to it from my current situation (it comes from concern about a choice I need to make, from something I said to my partner, from an agreement in the past I did not follow up on, from someone that was hurt by something I said or did a long time ago, and so on). But I know now that it is not born from any particular situation.
Rather, it gives a poignancy to any situation. It keeps me receptive to the joys and suffering of any being, others as well as myself. It helps me notice and look at what I do or say which may trigger pain and suffering in others. And maybe most of all, it gives a deep sense of intimacy with myself, others and life. There is a tremendous fullness in it all.