I wrote the entry on the various forms of motivation yesterday, without realizing (at the time) that it exactly mirrored what was going on for me in my personal life.
The choice: Adyashanti or Waking Down
I had the choice of going to a second satsang with Adyashanti, this time in Ashland, or a Waking Down in Mutuality event in Portland, and there was a good deal of agonizing in trying to make a decision.
I thoroughly enjoyed the satsang with Adyashanti last weekend and noticed a shift for me after it. At the same time, I felt that the WD event would maybe deepen my process somehow, or that I would learn something that is currently outside of my horizon.
Clarity through inquiry, and the decision makes itself
Last night, while exploring this through inquiry, I saw that wanting to go to the Adyashanti event came from a sense of joy and connection, while my motivation for wanting to go to the WD event was fear and a sense of separation: If I don't go, I will miss out on something crucial. I will never get the opportunity again. I will develop in a lopsided way. I will be blind to something essential. They know something I don't know and need to know.
In seeing this more clearly, the confusion and sense of burden in trying to make a decision gave way to a sense of relief and lightness: Going to the Adyashanti event comes from joy and excitement, going to the WD event comes from fear motivation. There is no decision to be made anymore.
Exploring the beliefs behind the decision process allowed me to see more clearly what was already there. It allowed me to notice with more clarity what I already knew, what was already alive in immediate awareness. And it took the whole sense of choice out of it.
Confusion, a sense of having to make a decision, and agonizing
In the confusion, there was a definite sense of choice and of agonizing in trying to make a decision.
Clarity, the choice falls away, and action
In the clarity, the sense of choice falls away. There is just clarity, and action.
Labels: own inquiry