Into Fatigue
I am seeing more clearly how I am consistently resisting fatigue, always holding it at bay, for fear of what may happen if I wholeheartedly accept it as it is, when it is.
Yesterday morning, I saw that there was no choice to not only accept it, but to wholeheartedly welcome it in. To surrender completely to it, as it is. To even abandon any hope of change, of it every going away.
Surrender even hope
There is no choice but to surrender to the fatigue as it is, and surrender even the hope of it going away.
Because even that hope is a way of resisting it. To hold it at bay. To create a separation of "I" and "it". To make it into a monster.
Fears
The fear is partly that it will take over completely, that I will loose all control. And it is partly that I will become a vegetable and not do what may be needed to deal with it, in terms of looking at diet, exercise, resolving mental/emotional/relationship knots, trying various forms of healing and so on.
But in surrendering to it, there is more space. And the fatigue itself changes.
And in surrendering to it, there is also more clarity and ability to engage.