Awakening Processes

I had a long conversation over tea with someone who had an awakening some years back, with a following "fall". And it was just another reminder to me how wide range of awakening processes there are. Some elements are of course shared, but there is also a unique flavor and path to each.

It would be very interesting to explore more deeply the deeper/shared processes, and the wide variations in subprocesses, sequence and flavors. People have of course done it within particular traditions (such as Underhill with Christianity), and others - such as Ken Wilber - has mapped out some of the developmental stages across traditions. But I don't know of more systematic and in-depth studies across traditions of the awakening process itself.

Mature integration

One way to look at it is to work backwards from what is commonly seen as a more mature integration, which - although it is often portrayed as a "final" phase - in itself continues to deepen. This is a phase of deepening familiarity with both the human and Big Mind, the relative and absolute, and a fluidity in living and expressing this. There is no stuckness in any particular identity. It is deeply human and deeply Spirit. It goes beyond and includes all polarities, and is free to express anything as appropriate to the situation. It is as free as Existence itself.

Strains

To get here, we need to (a) deepen our familiarity with ourselves as a human being, (b) deepen our familiarity with ourselves as Big Mind, Buddha Mind, Spirit, and (c) deepen our familiarity with the relationship between the two, and find a deepening fluidity among them.

For most of us, a basic familiarity with ourselves as a human being is more or less given - through growing up in our times and culture. Our familiarity with ourselves as Big Mind either comes out of the blue, or from practice.

And before and/or after (in most cases probably before and after) an awakening as Big Mind, we need to go through a process of deeper healing and integration at our human level. There are many areas that needs to come into awareness, many wounds that need some healing, many projections to notice and integrate, and so on. Awakening to ourselves as the Absolute seems to initiate a deeper healing and integration of our human self. Aspects that were in the dark now floats to the surface as a cork, and is brought into awareness. This is of course not always a pleasant experience.

Then we have the whole identity situation, where we often start out with a conscious and exclusive identity as our human self. Then an identity - sometimes equally exclusive - as Big Mind. Here we can say "I am really Big Mind. My true self is Big Mind, the Absolute", and this is equally partial and exclusive as the previous exclusive identity as a human self. And finally a phase where there is no particular and fixed identity and more fluidity.

So there are many strains to follow in the process. Some of these are our identity (human self, Big Mind, fluid). Our view (dual, nondual, transdual). Our healing and integration at a human level. Our development at a human level (various lines of development). Our integration of our human self and Big Mind, and fluidity between the two.

It seems that the process can go in several areas simultaneously, deepening our familiarity with our human self as well as ourselves as Big Mind, healing and integration at our human level, and exploring how to live as both human and Big Mind and find a deepening fluidity in that.

Five phases

At the same time, there may be a larger process which emphasizes one or the other at various times. Tozan & Underhill's five phases is one example of how that may look.

[Phase Zero]

First, there is an exclusive identification with our human self. We explore and learn how to function in the world, to at least a basic degree. This is an essential and invaluable phase.

[Phase One]

Then, there is a glimpse of something beyond the human. This is the conception phase. The glimpse may take many forms. It could be just an intuition, or a direct and more full blown experience. In any case, it is not fully stable or as clear and integrated as it can be, so we...

[Phase Two]

Engage in a process of clarification and deepening, often through a specific practice and under guidance of an experienced teacher. This is a process of purification and preparation. We gradually release our exclusive identity as a human self. We have glimpses of something beyond, and these may become more frequent and clearer as we go on.

During this phase we also come face-to-face with ourselves as a human being in various ways - our attachments, our fears, our hopes, our hangups, our wounds, our projections and so on. One of the roles of the teacher is to bring this out in us, and help it into awareness. This can be quite unpleasant, and quite a rollercoaster ride. If it becomes too intense, it may cause us to drop out as well.

Towards the end of this second phase, there may be a sense of being pulled apart and of dying. Of course, it is only our identity as a human self that dies, but since that is all we know it seems that "I" am dying (true in a certain sense). This is the dark night of the senses, and it can be a quite dramatic experience.

[Phase Three]

Here we awaken in a more full and stable way. First as the Witness - formless awareness, the Unborn, our Original Face. Then as Big Mind, beyond and including all polarities.

In this phase, we explore and become familiar with ourselves as Big Mind, as the Absolute.

This is the brilliant sun of enlightenment, and what is typically described as a full blown awakening. Now, our human self and the whole world of form arises within us. There is a release from habitual patterns and a sense of ease.

A part of this phase is a deeper healing and integration on our human level. Much of what was left in the dark comes out and up, into awareness.

There is also a continuing exploration of how to live from/as Big Mind through the vehicle of our human self, and how to express it through words and our life.

Phase three is the birth of the Buddha, and the infant and childhood stages of the Buddha. Although there is a tremendous clarity, insight, compassion, capacity and so on, it is all a little immature and "green".

We may also find ourselves with an identity as the Absolute, with a sense that this is the "true and real Self". There may also be a sense of it being "special" and an accomplishment.

We are stuck in/as the Absolute, and reek of the "stink of Zen" as they call it. There is often a subtle arrogance and exclusivity here. Subtly or less subtly, we see it as remarkable and an accomplishment and exclude the relative. We appear to ourselves and others as special.

This phase typically last for many years, and the majority of teachers seem to be at this phase.

[Phase Four]

Then, life may help us detach from our identity as the Absolute. We are thrown out of the Absolute and back into the Relative. This is experienced as a terrible fall from grace. God has abandoned us, or we God. We are just an ordinary wretched human being again, and our whole life may fall apart in many or all areas. We are ground to dust, humbled in any way possible.

It is as if everything we found comfort in is taken away from us, and much of what we excluded is taking over. There is little or no clarity, insight, compassion, will or anything else. We are at the mercy of circumstances. This is similar to a deep depression, a phase of tremendous loss.

This phase may also last for several years, and the turning point seems to come when we are ready and able to embrace our wretched state more fully. As the resistance falls away, often from pure exhaustion, it begins to turn around.

[Phase Five]

Phase five is a deeper integration of our human self and Big Mind, of the relative and absolute. Now, it all comes back, but in a different way. It now seems completely ordinary and unremarkable.

There is no particular identity anywhere, not as Big Mind nor as human being. There is a new fluidity among it all, and a deepening interweaving.

This is the hazy moon of enlightenment, the more mature phase of the awakened Buddha. We appear completely ordinary, more deeply human.