Stomach Pain & No I
Last night, I woke up around 2am from stomach pains and nausea (similar to the food poisoning a few days ago). Pain is a good opportunity to notice a few things...
Diving in & no labels
When I dived and melted into the experience, it became fluid... almost right away, the unpleasantness went away and melted into a form of bliss or delight somewhat mixed with the original pain. If I temporarily put a label on it or any "shoulds", it immediately solidified and became more substantial and merely unpleasant.
So no label and no separation brings about a sense of fluidity and even bliss mixed into it. And labels and separation (as with believing a "should" thought) brings a sense of being victim and of suffering.
No self
Over the last few weeks, there has been several instances of waking up during the night, and noticing that there is awareness and the various objects of awareness, but no "self" or "I" anywhere. So simple. So obvious. So natural. So without effort.
There is just awareness (apparently formless, unborn, timeless, unchanging) and the objects of awareness (this human body, the room, sensations, thoughts and so on). There is no "I" to be found anywhere here, and no "I" is needed anywhere either. This pure awareness and its content is all there is, and all that is needed.
This experience is there during the days as well, although sometimes more obvious than other times, and rarely as clear as during these times.
Last night, it was there very clear. Just awareness (crystal clear, inherently empty, choiceless) and its content (pain, discomfort, the room). And nobody, no separate entity, that this is happening "to". It is just happening, as it is.
There is obviously a huge liberation here, and it is also so simple. So easy. So obvious. So natural. It is just what is, as it is, with no part of it made into a separate "I".
Different & not
Nothing is different, there is still exactly the same content as when there is an overlay of "I". The only difference is in the absence of the belief in the thought "I", and the sense of drama that tends to come with it.
And yet everything is different. With the absence of the "I" and drama, there is a new sense of ease. Of joy even, in the midst of pain.